Dreams, Dentists, and the Dissonance of Being Overlooked
Last night I dreamed I was working in a Michigan salon, but everything was happening in California.
Geography didn’t matter.
Logic didn’t matter.
My ex was supposed to show up at a party thrown by someone I barely remember, and somehow he was friends with people who couldn’t stand him in real life.
I woke up before I got there.
Figures.
That’s how it feels lately—like I’m always on the edge of something, but never quite arriving.
Not because I’m slacking.
I do what’s asked. I show up. I finish what’s in front of me.
And then I wait.
And wonder.
Am I being underestimated?
Held back?
Or just not given the kind of challenge that lets me show what I’m capable of?
The truth is, I don’t know what my limits are—because I haven’t been allowed to test them.
What I see around me is a world that rewards performance over substance.
That values charm over clarity.
That lifts up those who play the game better than those who actually do the work.
And while that might sound harsh, I could care less.
I’m not here to win popularity contests.
I’m here to build a life.
But here’s the rub:
I don’t have a degree.
I don’t have the kind of experience that opens doors without knocking.
And I feel the pressure—like I’m running a marathon with ankle weights while everyone else gets a head start.
I don’t care about titles.
I care about freedom.
I want to be able to take care of us.
To afford the dentist.
To go on vacation without guilt.
To stop depending on systems that feel like they’re one glitch away from collapse.
And trust?
That’s a whole other beast.
I don’t trust easily.
Not doctors.
Not institutions.
Sometimes not even family.
Because too often, people act like your feelings are optional.
Like your needs are inconvenient.
Like your existence is negotiable.
So yeah, I’m tired.
I’m bored.
I’m dreaming of parties I never get to attend and opportunities I’m not sure I’ll ever be offered.
But I’m still here.
Still showing up.
Still wanting more.
And maybe that’s the most radical thing of all.